The Refugee
by cassiopoeia
Summary: Harry's a fugitive on the run from the Big Giant Head.  He's making his way to Earth with a hired assassin hot on  his tail. Will he make it, and find a peaceful life back on Earth?  And what are the other three aliens up to now?
1. Where are they now?

the Refugee - 3rd Rock from the Sun fan fiction

The year was 2007, Earth time, precisely six years since the four aliens, Dick, Harry, Tommy and Sally Solomon, had sat in their beloved Rambler and sung their mission anthem, to disappear in a flash of light back to their home planet millions and trillions of light years away. A lot had changed both on Earth, and in Space, in those six short years, and the four aliens had each followed their own separate pursuits - although they did occasionally meet up with each other in their travels.

Back on Earth, the people they had known had re established their lives into a regular sort of order. Mary Albright had continued on her teaching at Pendleton University, while also becoming an avid member of several Alien Abductee and UFO sighting groups. Nina Campbell had grown tired of Mary's constant neuroses and, wearied from the six years she had spent as secretary for both Dick and Mary, she left Pendelton and became a yoga instructor first, and a self-help author second. Her bestseller "How to Survive the Office Lunatic: A Self-Help Guide for Secretaries" was nominated for three separate awards and secretaries everywhere became liberated and forthright individuals.

Officer Don Orville continued as a cop for several months after Sally left, but without her continued support and bullying he became reserved and unconfident. He carried out his dream of owning a muffin shop in Rutherford, and hired Dick's former student, Leon as a counter boy and sandwich board advertiser. The other students from Dick's class resumed Physics class with a new and (almost) human professor and all passed within a year, going on to become Rutherford's oldest graduating class. Mrs Dubcek continued making her income through renting out Rutherford's worst accomodation for the highest price, although she was unable to find tenants content to stay in the Solomon's attic - and so it remained unoccupied.

They all continued on with their lives, not quite forgetting the Solomon's, yet not quite remembering them, enjoying the peace and quiet without the chaotic unpredictability the aliens had brought with them - but still all feeling terribly, achingly, empty - as if something very important was very missing.

The aliens themselves were not unaffected by their time on Earth. At a time when their home planet was becoming more and more unfamiliar, they sometimes all felt a great desire to return to their favourite blue-and-green planet.

The Big Giant Head, the evil domineering overlord of their home planet, had become more and more evil and domineering. The residents of the home planet were becoming increasingly disillusioned with his demands and laws, but for the most part, had to accept his dominion as the Big Giant Head was all powerful, and personally sought to prosecute anyone who challenged his authority.

His wife, Vicky, a native earthling, who had, of course, been previously involved with Harry during his time on Earth, was now officially "Mrs. Big Giant Head" and had the ego to match. Her relationship with the Big Giant Head was not of love, but power, and their constant domestic disputes were frequently fuel to the fire of the Big Giant Head's iron-fisted rule of the planet. Their son, Eric Travis was now seven Earth years old, and unfortunately as children sometimes are, was inextricably caught in the middle.

Dick Solomon, being accustomed to lecturing physics during his time at Pendleton, had relinquished his role as High Commander, and became a mentor to aspiring aliens themselves working on becoming High Commanders for their own important missions. Further to this, in a completely surprising move, he became a Scout Leader for young alien children doing after-study activities. He became somewhat of a father figure to young Eric Travis who attended his Scout group and whose Big Giant Parents were often too involved in their arguments to know or care what their son was doing. Secretly, Dick still loved Mary, and if he could fly back to Earth and into her arms, he would in a second.

Tommy Solomon, who in reality was quite ancient when they were on Earth, had opted for a quiet and serene life of retirement, occasionally stopping in to see Dick for a chat and reflection on life. He had become a highly respected wizened old leader of the Big Giant Head's training facility for young soldiers and mission commanders. Unfortunately, the elderly Information Officer was, although respected, often regarded as being a touch senile and therefore, his opinions were usually received warmly and enthusiastically, then duly discarded. Although ageing, the former Information Officer was still sharp - despite his apparent docility and compliance, Tommy kept a watchful eye on everything that happened while maintaining the facade of a bumbling old man.

Sally Solomon had reverted to her masculine form and had progressed even further in her military career. Stories of her bravery, strength and fortitude swept from every corner of the Universe as she took on and conquered valiantly every mission sent her way. The three other aliens, who felt particularly close to Sally since their time on Earth, were always impressed and proud when they heard of her exploits, but also somewhat sad, as she was so often away on duty they rarely got to see her at all. Only Sally herself knew the real reason she was propelling herself into such a frantic and tumultuous pace, and even she was desperately trying to hide it from herself. Her feelings for Don had never subsided. Caught between that, and the sorry state of her home planet, Sally was sliding - and the more she fought to hold onto her rock-hard soldier exterior, the more she felt inside like a desperate emotional woman. This was a side of herself she had discovered while on Earth, which now she was frantically trying to re-bury.

Harry Solomon began the Earth mission as the transmitter - after wangling the privilege in the first place through someone who knew someone - and had returned to the home planet without much plan for his future. His life up until now had been joining the team on their numerous combined missions, and now that Dick had stepped down, Tommy was retired, and Sally was jetting around the Galaxy, he felt very much alone. Added to this, the Big Giant Head was aware of his previous romance with Vicky - Mrs Big Giant Head, and had a Big Giant Jealousy problem. Therefore, Harry was often the target of random interrogations and arrests and was often overlooked for jobs and privileges on the Home Planet. The combination of all these circumstances left Harry feeling quite lost - having discovered "feelings" while he was on Earth, he wasn't sure he wanted them. Added to this, the transmitter in his head had developed a glitch and it would randomly tune in and out of radio stations around the galaxy leaving Harry frustrated and embarrassed in front of other aliens who didn't know about his transmitter. The worse things got for Harry on the Home Planet, the more and more he wished he could go back to Earth with Dick, Tommy and Sally and everything could be like it used to.


	2. Harry

Chapter 2

Harry woke up on this particular early morning with his transmitter blaring out Mimosian talkback radio - a particularly high pitched and highly irritating form of talk-back radio originating from a small and uninteresting planet on the dark side of the galaxy. Try as he might, he could not get it to switch off and let him get back to sleep. He looked out of his room at the double sunrise which was happening from both east and west, sending bright light into both sides of his room and contributing to the difficulty he was having in trying to shut out the noise and confusion happening in his head. As he was becoming accustomed to this radio activity he tried to block it out and think of something else.

He thought he might try to find Dick today and see if he could somehow disable the second class transmitter device. Or at least stop these god damn broadcasts. Harry thought of his latest run in with the Big Giant Head and how he seemed to be always after him. He thought of Vicky and how their relationship on Earth had gone so badly. How he and Vicky had wanted to have a baby and the other crew members wouldn't allow it in case the baby turned out to be alien. How Vicky and he had fought over it because she thought he didn't want a baby, and how the Big Giant Head had turned up on Earth and stolen her away from him. Vicky had fallen pregnant and given birth to the Big Giant Head's (human) baby in a matter of days, and then the Big Giant Head had come to take her and his new son, Eric Travis back to the Home planet.

Ever since that day, Harry had been a Big Giant Target and the Big Giant Head had been ever watchful that Harry would never have a chance to topple him from his facade of power. The Big Giant Head didn't know it, but Harry had no desire what so ever to interfere with the relationship or to win Vicky's heart back. For six long years, ever since they had returned from Earth, Harry had been denied going on missions and the group had split up. He had been assigned to the worst, most mundane and most disgusting jobs the Big Giant Head could think of, and in recent months, as the Big Giant Head's marriage became more and more fiery, Harry had been interrogated, arrested, jailed, fined, and beaten up by the law enforcement by order of the Big Giant Head. It was all beginning to get too much. If he couldn't even belong on his own home planet, where could he belong?

Harry's thoughts were interrupted by the transmitter suddenly changing from Mimosian talk back radio, to 1930's earth jazz. Still frustrating, but at least a little bit more classy. He decided to go and visit Dick and see if the former High Commander knew anything about transmitters. His next best option was Tommy - anyone else was too much of a risk. Harry slid out of his dorm and took the back way he had discovered while trying to avoid 'representatives' of the Big Giant Head. Some aliens were already out and about, but most were still in their quarters. Aliens took on many forms on the Home Planet - and sometimes the most scary looking ones were actually the most friendly.

It didn't take very long to reach Dick's house, and Harry called out to him to open up.

"Harry !" Dick exclaimed, surprised to see his old friend, "What are you doing here? - And where _is_ that noise coming from?"

Harry frowned "It's some musical from Earth - about the 50th time I've heard it - my transmitter's got a bug."

"So you're saying you've got this song stuck in your head that you just can't get rid of, " Dick giggled like a schoolboy at his own joke, then, noticing Harry's frustration, became sympathetic and invited him in.

"Can you fix it? " Harry asked, "It's driving me crazy,"

"Why not go to the service department?" Dick queried,

"I can't. The Big Giant Head really has it in for me, he thinks I'm after Vicky. You know what he puts me through. "

Dick was sorry for Harry's predicament, but as always, concerning their boss, what he says goes. When the bully is a high-powered authority figure, there is not always someone else to turn to.

"Well, you 're always welcome here - I'll try to help you with the transmitter. Tommy is more the expert on things like this - Have you seen the old man lately?" Dick peered at the back of Harry's head looking for some clue on adjusting the transmitter.

"Haven't seen him - or Sally either, not for a long time. What are they up to?" Harry asked as Dick prodded his head.

"Tommy just potters around and visits the library, complains about his aches and pains. He's a funny chap these days. Sally is off travelling to another planet, fighting some war or another, To be honest I haven't seen her for a long while either. I occasionally hear stories. The pride of the army, she is. A ruthless killer. Remember the days we used to travel together?" Dick mused.

"Dick, do you think about Earth," Harry asked sombrely.

"All the time Harry. About Mary, all the time. But he'd never let us go back - not even to visit. The Big Giant Patrol would be out before you could say "bus ticket to Rutherford, please." I don't think about it - try to make use of myself here, training young minds, they'll be fantastic High Commanders someday - though not as fantastic as me, of course. We shouldn't think about Earth anymore Harry - it was just a mission and it ended like they all do. " Dick gave Harry a vicious jab in the back of the head and the transmitter switched to blaring static noise. "Almost there, I hope," Dick noted optimistically.

Harry fell silent thinking. Hoping. Wishing. If only he could go back to Earth - far far away from the Big Giant Head and the Big Crappy Home Planet. Start all over - watch cable again. Find his favourite coat. Eat Rusty Burgers with upgraded french fries. . Dick jabbed Harry in the head once more, and without hesitation, the transmitter began broadcasting galactic weather patterns. Dick sighed in frustration and said,

"I think it's beyond me, Harry old son. See if you can find Tommy around and get him to have a look. I'm afraid I've got a class to get to, but it was good to see you - try to stay out of trouble and stay out of _his_ way." Dick emphasized. As he left for his class, he realized he was actually quite concerned for Harry. Later, he thought, he might get together with Tommy and see if they could find a way to help. The home planet was not the homely place it had begun as, there were some serious political waves upsetting the planet.


	3. The Great Escape

chapter 3

Harry left Dick's house, with the presumed intention of looking for Tommy. Tommy seemed so , so _old _ the last time Harry had seen him. Perhaps those years on Earth had given him a reminder of youth. Now he just seemed cranky all the time. As he walked, the transmitter got stuck on the weather report for Pluto and he heard "cold and icy" 43 times in a row, followed by a sudden switch to heavy metal, Earth style. While Harry was in the process of hitting himself on the back of the head to disable the radio, he did not notice the two uniformed guards approaching until they were almost on top of him.

Suddenly, noticing the shadow fall across him, he looked up in panic and there they were, ready to begin another round of Harry-Soccer. It was about this time that Harry decided he wasn't up for any soccer today - he was small, much smaller than the two guards, but he was fast and he decided to take a chance on running.

"YAAAARRRRGHHHHHH" he yelled, trying to surprise the guards, while doing a quick jumping spin kick, tripping over his own feet, and charging off in the opposite direction as fast as he could go. The guards were not expecting this, and reacted in confusion deciding whether to let him go, or try to catch him. In a second they decided they would go after him - the wrath of their boss was too fearsome to disregard. They lumbered awkwardly after Harry, their heavy bodies highly unsuited to high speed chases.

Harry continued running, uncertain of his next move and knowing that if he was caught, the consequences would be serious this time. The two guards had fallen far behind, but were at present calling for back-up, and Harry knew that eventually, there would be nowhere to run. _Except Earth_ a voice whispered in his head. Somewhere far far away, somewhere he longed to return, somewhere maybe the Big Giant Head would not follow him. . .With panic building and tiredness filling his body, Harry had to decide on a plan, and fast. Maybe he _should_ go back to Earth. It wasn't as if he was in danger of losing any rank or privileges on his Home planet.

He raced past a blue Z56 series space cruiser parked in the street, then quickly doubled back and jumped into the open cab. Panic and anxiety filled his throat as he quickly ignited the machine, closed the space hatch, and crossed his fingers as he jabbed the big shiny GO! button. The machine took off at a tremendous pace and Harry punched in the coordinates for Rutherford, Ohio, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy. Finally he was on his way ! Excitement began to take the place of the panic he had felt earlier, but he continued to nervously check the machines long range scanners. It wouldn't be long before the Big Giant Head caught up with him - the tracking device in the Cruiser would very quickly give away his location. Harry dared not to think what might happen to him once he was caught, but he was unbelievably proud that he, Harry Solomon, was suddenly, for once, in charge of his own destiny.

* * *

><p>Back on the home planet, all hell was in the process of breaking loose. The guards had collaborated and discovered Harry's escape in the expensive Cruiser, and after some deliberation, elected one guard to be the unfortunate soul to inform the Big Giant Head. As predicted, the Big Giant Head was less than happy, mainly because he was in the midst of yet another simmering debate with Vicky, but also because he was not accustomed to things not going his way.<p>

After some deliberation, and temper-tantrum throwing, the Big Giant Head settled, and started to think seriously on the best course of action in recapturing and punishing Harry for his treachery. Harry was trouble, he decided. A villain. He could not, and should not be trusted, and he didn't like him, anyway. Maybe he should take advantage of this situation - send out a team, _attempt_ a recapture - perhaps something might go wrong - perhaps it _would_ go wrong. . . .The Big Giant Head laughed a little bit. Harry was disposable - he had no skills, he wasn't valuable - The Big Giant Head smiled, rubbing his hands together. Harry could be disposed of. . very easily, and it could be made to look like an accident too. . After all, the galaxy is a very dangerous place for a lone alien.

The Big Giant Head grew to like his evil idea more and more. He decided he must send someone trusted, someone smart and dangerous. Someone who had killed before and would kill again. Someone whose loyalty to the mission outweighed all other loyalties. Someone like Sally Solomon.

The Big Giant Head sent for Sally to report to the Big Giant Head as soon as possible, then sent out a broadcast to all the aliens on the Home Planet, officially declaring Harry a galactic fugitive, and stating Sally as the recovery team to return him for further disciplinary action. Meanwhile, his team were tracking the Z56 cruiser to determine it's landing place. When the report came out, Dick was just finishing his class, and upon hearing the news, realized that Harry would probably return to Earth. With great excitement, he rushed over to the Big Giant Headquarters, hoping to meet Sally there and talk his way in as Mission Commander - thereby getting the chance to help Sally bring Harry back safely, _and_ he could kind of swing back to Mary's house on the way!

* * *

><p>Tommy Solomon was sitting in his apartment reading physics books and grumbling to himself when he heard the broadcast. He was aware of Harry's feud with the Big Giant Head, but surprised that it had got this far. He frowned and thought, and then frowned again.<p>

"The Big Giant Head probably had some wicked plan up his sleeve," Tommy said to himself, "I didn't come down in the last meteor shower. Somehow I've got to get to Harry so I can warn him - and if I know Harry, he's headed for Earth."

Tommy nodded decisively and got to work reconfiguring an old time-space portal he had hidden amongst his junk, so that it would lead straight back to Mrs. Dubcek's closet. Secretly, he had meant to return to Earth in secret for some time now - maybe this was his chance.

"I may be a bit older, but I can still work some magic!" he said to the portal, which was still in pieces. "But this is gonna take some time."

* * *

><p>By this stage, Harry was many many thousands of light years away from the Home Planet, and starting to get a little bored with the whole running away idea. He had been travelling for relatively hours. No patrol cruisers had shown up on his screens, and there was very little other activity happening - space travel can become very,very boring. He was sleeping peacefully as the cruiser effortlessly continued on auto pilot, with his transmitter quietly humming the tune of a relatively ancient alien lullaby. He was blissfully unaware that at that moment, the Big Giant Head was briefing Sally on the recovery mission which was actually an elimination mission.<p> 


	4. Hired Guns

Chapter four

Sally Solomon had been carrying out covert patrols on several planets known on the home planet as 'scavenger planets', where life forms ran rampant with little or no authority - the Big Giant Head's purpose in sending Sally on these patrols had more to do with claiming what he could for himself, than actually trying to bring order and peace to these volatile societies.

When she received the directive for new orders, Sally had suspended her curent mission and immediately set off back to the Home Planet, full of curiosity about this extremely urgent mission the Big Giant Head was so excited about. Upon approaching the Big Giant Headquarters, she was surprised to see Dick standing outside, full of excitement and frantically trying to attract her attention.

"Sally!" Dick called, waving his arms around.

"High Commander. " Sally stood to attention and saluted her former boss, whose demeanor was decidedly less regimented.

"Sally! Ask him, tell him! You need me to come with you!" Dick blurted out. Sally was confused.

"Commander! Pull yourself together man!" she ordered. "Tell me what you know about this mission - is it something risky? Something dangerous? Something with explosives? " Sally's eyes sparkled.

"Hmmmm, well, " Dick began,

"A fugitive!" Sally guessed.

"Well. . . .yes, kind of . ." Dick hesitated, knowing he should let the Big Giant Head inform Sally of the particulars of this mission.

"Some bad ass - someone on the wrong side of the law," Sally was on a roll -

"Someone who needs to be taught a lesson - a criminal mastermind, someone reckless; and lawless. Someone highly intelligent." Sally thought aloud. "Someone like . . . "

"Harry." Dick interrupted. Sally stopped in her tracks. . .

"Harry?" she questioned, "Our Harry? Transmitter Harry?" Sally simulated Harry's action of receiving an incoming message.

"Harry." Dick reaffirmed.

Sally looked at Dick incredulously. "I'm here to go find _Harry_. What did he do, lock himself in the suspended animation chamber again?"

Before Dick could answer properly, two of the Big Giant Head's goons summoned Sally inside to commence her briefing with the Big Giant Head. Dick followed on behind, waiting impatiently for his chance to talk himself on board the mission.

The Big Giant Head began his briefing by greeting Dick, and asking Sally to reaffirm her soldier's motto, and loyalty oath she had taken when she first joined the Home planet's elite military force. The oath stated the importance of loyalty to the Big Giant Head, the military, and to the missions they were to be assigned. It also stressed the importance of following orders explicitly, and placing the highest value on the military above all other commitments and values, including family, friendships, and personal preference.

Sally dutifully repeated these statements, curious as to why the Big Giant Head was reviewing this material. It was then that the Big Giant Head settled in to business, indicating for Sally to come closer as his eyes began to shine with excitement and his voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper.

"A particular alien known to you - Harry Solomon - has escaped the Home planet without authorization. We believe he has set on a return course to Earth, Rutherford, Ohio, - an area known to you, Lieutenant. He should be considered a dangerous fugitive, and must be caught - we must have him brought back here, immediately ! "

"I understand, Sir!" Sally saluted.

"Lieutenant - this mission would require you to lay aside any and all personal opinions of this alien in order to carry out this assignment. Are you willing to forego these opinions in order to receive this honour, soldier?" The Big Giant Head was still grinning evilly. He badly wanted his plan to work.

Sally assumed her military stance and again gave the salute,

"Yes Sir, without question, Sir. For loyalty, honour, and the good of the Home planet, Sir!" she exclaimed, passionately.

"Now then, Lieutenant - what would you say if I suggested to you, that perhaps your mission may happen to go _sheer_ misfortune - this alien should happen to resist capture, _forcing_ your hand to - eliminate him - thereby completing this mission in a very satisfactory way. _Terribly_ unfortunate for him - but of course he should have thought of this before choosing his path of crime. Do you catch my drift, Lieutenant?" The Big Giant Head sneered and grinned his way through his radical speech, knowing full well that Sally was bound by law to carry out his orders, however distasteful.

Dick gasped in shock. Surely Sally would never go for it - but what would happen if she refused? The same as Harry? Or worse.

Sally blinked in surprise. Was she hearing correctly? Did the Big Giant Head actually just order her to carry out Harry's execution - and make it look like an accident? Sally hesitated. She had spent so much time with Harry, and Tommy, and Dick during their time on Earth, that they all seemed so much like a real family. Could she really carry out elimination orders on one of them? At the same time, her first loyalty _was_ to the military. She did not get to the rank she had attained by questioning military orders, or by going soft and backing down from challenges. The Big Giant Head was right. If Harry had broken the law, he deserved to be punished. As a soldier of the Big Giant Military, it was not her place to question orders or analyze them. It was her job to carry them out efficiently and effectively. Her loyalty was to the military.

"Yes, Sir! Mission brief accepted and understood. "

The Big Giant Head rocked backwards in his chair.

"You understand, Lieutenant, that this is an _elimination_ mission?"

Sally swallowed, then again stood to attention and saluted.

"Elimination mission brief accepted and understood, Sir! Deployment at first light tomorrow, Sir!"

The Big Giant Head smiled and chuckled evilly. He was very,very happy. It was at this moment that Dick stepped in. He knew better than to argue with the Big Giant Head's orders, but he _had_ to get into that mission. Perhaps he would be able to debate this with Sally later, in private.

"Permission to speak, Sir?" Dick enquired.

"Granted." The Big Giant Head nodded.

"Sir, as High Commander on our previous mission to Earth, I feel that I would be a great asset to the Lieutenant - in both knowing the territory, as well as the, uh, suspect. I feel it would be in the best interests of the mission for me to attend, and,oversee this mission. " Dick rambled on, trying to impress the Big Giant Head with his jargon.

The Big Giant Head thought for a moment and then agreed, following up with a final warning;

"This mission must succeed - the consequences will be great, for both of you, if you should fail. Understood?"

Sally and Dick saluted their boss as an agreement, and then they were both dismissed to begin preparations. As first light began streaking the sky of the Home planet, they would be on their way to Earth to track down their former family member.


	5. The Crash

Chapter Five

Harry Solomon woke with a jump as the space cruiser he had stolen shuddered and did a slight barrel roll. He frowned and inspected the instrument panel. His limited mechanical experience told him there should be no shuddering or barrel rolling - the ship was cruising in auto-pilot, and there was no such thing as turbulence in space.

After surveying the panel, he realised the engines were starting to overheat quite badly - space cruisers were built for short joy flights around planets in close range, not long interstellar journeys. The auto pilot was beginning to malfunction as well, detecting asteroids and meteors in its path which were not actually there. Harry realized this was probably the cause for the recent aerobatics and reluctantly disabled it, taking the controls as his transmitter burbled back into life with a rousing rendition of "You Can Leave Your Hat On". Harry briefly pondered what people on Earth might say when they heard his transmitter going off on its own and for the first time wondered if this 'running away to earth' idea was such a grand idea after all.

He checked the sensors - it was too late to turn back now - any minute he would reach Earth's atmosphere. Judging from the condition of the cruiser's engines, it was not a minute too soon. Harry started thinking about where he could land the cruiser so it wouldn't be too conspicuous. As the ship entered the outer edges of the Earth's atmosphere, Harry's alien body began reassembling into its predetermined human form, and the ship began gearing down to prepare for its upcoming landing.

With his current figure resembling some alien-human hybrid, the ship's engines sounding more and more laboured and his transmitter excitedly broadcasting lottery and racing results from three local planets, Harry struggled to concentrate on preparing the ship for a calm, even and inconspicuous landing. He realized that even though the engines had geared down, the ship was still gliding far too fast for a safe re-entry and applied the brakes sharply. The cruiser took a sudden nose dive and Harry panicked and quickly corrected it.

The transmitter began burbling talk-back radio in Spanish and Harry pulled at the hair beginning to grow on the back of his head with frustration. Stupid transmitter. The short-range scanner indicated that the cruiser had safely re-entered and was now under the influence of the Earth's gravity. As Harry looked out of the clear dome of the cruiser, he could start to distinguish land from water, North pole from South. It was an exciting moment, but he had to focus or he could land anywhere.

The inbuilt Universal Positioning System, or UPS, began beeping, indicating a left turn followed by a gentle, even descent to land in the vicinity of the famous cornfield. It was still very, very early in Rutherford, Ohio, and Harry hoped that the starry half-light of early morning would help disguise his landing. He carefully angled the ship to bank left, and the UPS beeped satisfactorily.

Harry was beginning to feel quite proud of himself - he had managed to escape the Home Planet and fly a space cruiser by himself halfway across the galaxy. There was no sign of any interference by the Big Giant Head, besides the Transmitter chattering away, his body was fully human, and he was less than 20 seconds away from landing back on Earth.

All that remained was to glide casually onto the cornfield for a smooth easy landing - there was nothing to it. Harry took a deep breath and began guiding the cruiser downwards - easy, easy does it.

Suddenly, it all began to go badly wrong. The engines began failing and the cruiser began to dive downwards at a terrifying angle. Harry strugged to revive the damaged engines, but it was too late. The cruiser was going to crash and the only thing Harry could do as he watched land and water rise up to meet him was hope he could get out of this alive.


	6. Re Entry

Chapter Six

Dick and Sally were presently on course in a military issue space patroller, capable of travelling at about seven times the speed of Harry's little cruiser. They were rapidly catching up, according to the GPS which was tracking Harry's movements. They were also arguing about the mission.

"Lieutenant! That is an order!"

"Dick, you heard the Big Giant Head! This mission is important! No modifications! And you are _not_ the High Commander any more!"

"But how could you! Sally!"

"Dick! My career is riding on this - I've been working my alien butt off since we got back from Earth! We show up, do the job, and go home! No ifs, buts or maybes!"

Dick was beginning to get emotional, and Sally was becoming more and more determined.

"I just don't see _why_ we can't just stop in and see _Mary!_ It's right on the way!"

Sally sighed in frustration at her former bosses childish antics, although by now she was well and truly used to Dick's extreme infatuation with Mary Albright.

Besides, she had other things on her mind, like how to precisely murder her ex-brother and make it look like an accident. And how she could somehow weave into the mission a visit to a shoe store.

* * *

><p>Harry shut his eyes tight as the Cruiser began it's speedy decline into the Cuyahoga River, which ran parallel to Harry's intended parking bay - the cornfield. With great irony, Harry's dimwit transmitter began broadcasting popular funeral marches, combined with mayday sequences from famous Earth war movies.<p>

With nothing left to do, Harry marked his descent with a loud and heartfelt scream.

"Yikes!" 

* * *

><p>Blackness. And silence. The silence was the most deafening. After sitting very very still, and listening to the silence which enveloped him, Harry was certain of one thing. His transmitter was no longer transmitting. And if his transmitter was no longer transmitting, it could only mean one thing. He was probably dead.<p>

Then, Harry opened his eyes to their customary half-open state, and realised something. He was still sitting in the cruiser - not that there was much left of it - but the cab was fully intact. He checked his human limbs, of which there were the correct number, and his human head, which was also, thankfully, fully intact. He was alive!

He then began tapping and shaking his head, trying to restart the hideous noise he had become so accustomed to hearing. Try as he might, he could not resurrect his lousy transmitter. It was broken! Harry could not stop the enormous grin from spreading across his face. No transmitter! No tracking device! No noise! He had made it back to Earth. And he was alive. Harry peered out through the clear cab housing of the cruiser, and pressed the auto-hatch release, as he realized too late that he was sitting very much underwater in the Cuyahoga river.

Water flooded in to the open cab and Harry frantically tried to catch his breath as he dog paddled back up to the surface of the river. 

Harry was frightened of what he might encounter once he reached the surface of the river - had anyone seen his dramatic entrance? The space cruiser? What if there were reporters - or scientists? Harry remembered the intense secrecy surrounding the Solomon's previous stint on Earth, the all too familiar fear of being discovered for what they really were. However intense his fear of what lay above him, though, Harry had no choice but to reach the surface fairly swiftly, as his human lungs were rapidly running out of air.

As his head broke the surface of the brown river water, Harry's eyes snapped wide open, intent to surveying as much of the surrounding land as possible in order to ascertain by who and by what means he may be captured.

To his relief, there was nothing, and no one. He looked carefully in every direction he could - to the east was the cornfield, long ears of corn gently swaying in the breeze, to the west were large paddocks with the occasional uninterested cow munching away, and to the north and south the giant river flowed onwards. Harry made his way to the riverbank and climbed out, naked and cold, and headed off running in the direction of Mrs Dubceks house. Somehow he was going to have to find some clothing before anyone saw him. And some food probably wouldn't go astray either.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, back on the home planet, Tommy was up to his alien elbows in mechanical parts, biomechanical parts, electronic parts, electromagnetic parts, magnetic parts, and just plain spare parts. Using his simulator, he discovered he had successfully calibrated the time-space portal down to a landing on Earth, but he was currently emerging from a broom closet in downtown Tokyo. He was beginning to get somewhat cranky when suddenly there was a knock on the door. He covered the time-space portal with some left over junk, and answered the door as casually as he could. As he had suspected, there were uniformed guards at the door.<p>

"Good afternoon sir, apologies for the interruption," one of them began.

Tommy cleared his throat and began speaking slowly ,

"What the - can't an old man get an afternoon rest on this planet without being disturbed - I need my sleep you know," He put on a show of annoyance to prevent the guards from asking too many questions. The guards respected old Tommy, as he had been working at the training facility they had graduated from before many of them were even born. The guard continued on, a little embarrassed,

"I'm sorry, Sir, order from the Big Giant Head, - you, ah, have, ah, you seen or spoken to, ah, Harry, recently, sir? Known of any plans to leave, the planet, sir?" The sturdy guard was reduced to a little school boy fidgeting with his pockets in front of the wise old man.

"I'm sorry, boys, I haven't. I have better things to do with my time than dream up plans and tales of espionage and mutiny with Transmitter aliens. Now please, I need to rest."

Tommy shut the door in their faces, and they knew better than to disturb him a second time.

Satisfied he had played the part effectively, he got back to working on his time-space portal. If all went well, he would be on his way to Earth that evening.


	7. Families Suck

Chapter Seven

Dick fell silent brooding over his dilemma, and frustrated with his inflexible so-called sister. He decided to pursue the subject of visiting Mary later, and sat wondering how he could broach the subject of Harry.

At the same time, Sally was determinedly studying the little blip on the radar screen which pinpointed the exact location of Harry's stolen space cruiser, when suddenly she gave a sudden "HEY!". Dick looked up, surprised, as Sally yelled out

"IT'S GONE!".

Dick said tentatively "Lieutenant?" Sally did not answer as she was furiously punching buttons on the display.

"Harry's Cruiser! It's disappeared! He must have crashed somewhere!" she finally exclaimed.

Dick was not sure what to make of this new information - but felt it was as good a time as any to query Sally's determination to go through with this assassination.

" Sally, this is great news!" Dick beamed, as Sally glared at him with frustration and annoyance.

"What, is so great, about this, Dick!" Sally asked with slow and careful words.

"Harry, he may have been uh, killed, in the crash - or, if he _wasn__'__t_ - we could - well, just say that he was!"

Dick chose his words carefully, knowing full well that he was endangering himself by suggesting such obvious disobedience of the BGH's orders - a wrong step could see both him _and_ Harry on the execution list.

Sally did not speak, weighing up this new option - after all, she didn't _really_ want to assassinate Harry, the big dumb loon. She could get her head around a fair fight, against beings with full capability of defending themselves; or purely evil characters who made the world a darker place just by being in it. But Harry was neither of those things. Harry was just Harry. He wasn't smart, he wasn't strong, he wasn't coordinated. But he wasn't bad either. He was like a big puppy. He didn't deserve to die.

Then Sally's other voice began to kick in - her soldier voice, the voice of years of training and soul-hardening missions. Still undecided about what was the right thing to do, Sally finally answered Dick.

"We have a duty to clear the Cruiser, if he _did_ crash - and I won't say this again, Dick - we have a duty to complete this mission! So we're still going down there!"

Dick was silent for just a moment, before adding,

"So does that mean we'll have time to visit Mary?"

Sally screamed in frustration as the shuttle began to prepare itself for landing, and both Dick and Sally began to morph into their human shapes.

* * *

><p>Harry reached Mrs Dubceks house in record time. He was munching on a donut someone had thrown out, and was wearing a tasteful green dress he had taken from someone's washing line. Not exactly what he had in mind, but considering the alternative, it was a case of beggars can't be choosers. Now that he was at Mrs Dubceks house, he could hopefully find the clothes they had left behind. How to get in was another story. He stood back surveying the climb up to the roof, discovering a handy drainpipe which didn't look too hard to climb. Harry stuffed the rest of the donut into his mouth, hiked up his skirt and started climbing. Without too much difficulty, he managed to make it onto the roof where the Solomon's used to sit during the evening. Just seeing the familiar rooftop again made Harry's heart race with excitement - he had done it - he had made it. The kitchen window was bolted shut, and Harry started to run in, aiming to headbutt the window. As he was about to make contact, he stopped, wondering if another bump might start off his Transmitter again. He decided not to risk it, and realizing the hinges were loose, he managed to simply pull the window frame out of the wall without having to break the glass. He climbed in through the window and jumped down into the kitchen, doing a little victory dance as he felt he was finally home.<p>

* * *

><p>After quickly dressing in the earth clothes they had brought along with them, Sally and Dick emerged from the space ship cautiously. There was nothing to be seen, save for the aforementioned bored cows and waving ears of corn. A thorough search of the surrounding area turned up nothing. They trekked back to the space ship, occasionally bickering and mumbling quietly. After some pointless scanning with the ship's sensors, they conceded defeat. Sally squinted into the bright sun as she surveyed the lonely cornfield. Nearby, Dick sat in front of their space ship gazing out into the distance and looking frustrated. There was no sign of Harry's cruiser, and no sign of Harry. Surely he couldn't have just disappeared - still, stranger things had happened. Dick realized with all this searching, he had forgotten to take notice of the Earth scenery he had come to miss so much. He gazed up at the blue sky streaked with white, marvelling at the view from inside the atmosphere. Sally gave up surveying and decided to move on to their next task. With no space cruiser to search, and no debris to clear, Sally and Dick got to work camouflaging their own ship. They barely talked, past tensions rising and resentment building between them. Sally was tired of Dick's childish antics, and Dick frustrated with Sally's lack of understanding. Still, their years of association had left them with an uncanny sense of each other's way of thinking, and thus, it was this unspoken understanding of each other which lead to them both setting off towards the house without either finding it necessary to consult with the other.<p> 


	8. Sticky Situation

Chapter Eight

Tommy recalibrated the portal once again, and, certain he had it right this time, awkwardly stepped inside and activated the switch. When he opened his eyes, it was still dark. And freezing cold. And cramped. He did a quick body check, and discovered his old Earth body had indeed materialized correctly. He was also thankful to discover that due to his technical adjustments, he had arrived fully clothed. So, he had made it to Earth. But where? Antarctica? The North Pole? He tried to stand up, and bumped his head painfully. Something wet trickled down the back of his neck. Blood? Tommy nervously reached his hand around and touched the back of his head. A sticky cold substance. He sniffed at it, then hesitantly licked his fingers. Syrup. Strawberry syrup. Where the heck was he?

Before he had time to wonder anymore about it, a light clicked on behind him, and the space in front of him swung outwards, warm bright light streaming in. No longer wedged in the cramped space, Tommy fell out onto the cool tiled floor of the muffin shop, finding himself looking up into the startled face of Don Orville.

"Aaaaghh!" Don yelled out, jumping back in fright.

"Don, Don! It's me! Tommy!" Tommy yelled, as he scrambed to his feet.

Don scrutinized the sticky character in front of him, then at his open refrigerator, and the slowly spreading trail of strawberry syrup. His eyes shot up in disbelief -

"Tommy? Tommy Solomon? What in god's name are you doing in my refrigerator!"

Tommy also looked at the syrup puddle, then back and Don, sighed and shrugged his shoulders wearily.

"It's a long story, Don."

* * *

><p>Sally and Dick hurried along the streets of Rutherford, Sally striding up ahead with grim, determined steps, and Dick struggling behind, attempting to keep up with Sally's frenetic pace.<p>

"Ooh, Lieutenant, I command you to stop!" he gasped, holding his side, "I believe I have a stitch!"

Sally paid no attention and continued to forge ahead.

"If only we still had the Rambler!" Dick complained as he limped on behind.

Before long, they were passing a familiar street, and Dick, who had been focusing on rescuing Harry, suddenly lost all resolve.

"Sally!" he called out in a loud whisper. . ."Sally!" Sally halted her march and turned around, wondering what her colleague would be complaining about now.

"Sally!" Dick called again, finally catching up to her. . . .

"We've got to go see Mary!"

Sally's frustration boiled over at this point, and she snapped at Dick,

"Fine! You go see _Mary__,_ and I will continue our _mission_ - you know, our reason for being here!"

She turned and marched off, thinking maybe she would make more progress without that whiny, whingy little man beside her.

Dick stood there a moment, in two minds. Should he go with Sally and rescue Harry? On the other hand, Mary's house was right up the street.

His sense of infatuation won out over his sense of duty, and he dashed headlong down the street to his lover's house.

Sally marched on angrily for a few hundred metres, then began to slow down, the energy driven by her anger beginning to dissolve, and be replaced by weariness. She reached a small commercial sector of the neighbourhood, and slowed as she passed by a shop window to check her reflection. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were dark. She didn't look like a warrior at all anymore. She looked like a tired and frustrated, somewhat helpless woman. She sighed. Why couldn't she just find Harry and then go home. Then, gazing in through the window she saw something that lifted her spirits tremendously - Shoes!

She shifted anxiously, hearing the warrior voice in her head demanding her to move onwards, harder, faster, and the woman's voice in her head pointing out the Clearance Sale sign on the shop window. With a tortured gasp, she flung herself into the shop, determined to placate her female side with at least one pair of shoes.

* * *

><p>The delay of Sally and Dick enabled Tommy enough time to make some small talk with Don, sample Don's range of first class muffins, not so carefully mop up the refridgerator, and make his way down the street. He ran past the shoe shop in which, unbeknownst to him, Sally was so thoroughly engrossed, and, as he ran, swatted little flies away from his neck which were attracted to the remaining strawberry syrup. Before long, he was standing out the front, looking up at Mrs Dubcek's run down old house. In much the same way as Harry had done, he shimmied up the drainpipe, then, attempted to grab the guttering and hoist himself up. He grabbed for the guttering, his hands slipping, and, losing his footing on the drainpipe he found himself hanging off the guttering by his tried to hoist himself up, but didn't have the strength in his arms. He kicked his legs around, trying to propel himself upwards. "Help!" he called out, still kicking his feet. Too late, he lost his grip and crashed ungracefully into the unkempt hedges surrounding the building. He lay there a moment, wondering why exactly he had chosen to leave his cosy living room and return to Earth, before getting up once more and attempting the climb up the drainpipe. The second climb was more successful, and he rolled onto the rooftop with relief, wondering why he still felt so damn old.<p>

Harry paused when he heard a noise coming from the roof, used to being followed and chased, he was half expecting the Big Giant Head's foot soldiers to come bursting into the attic. He had finished changing into his more comfortable Earth clothes, which he had found in the closet, and was in the process of searching for his beloved fur coat. Another clang and a shuffling noise were enough for him to stop what he was doing, and not so bravely creep back to the window for a look outside. He carefully, slowly, peeked through the window opening, realizing he was looking right into another face. . . .

AaaaaHHH! he yelled, jumping back, and Tommy did the same thing, almost falling off the roof a second time. "HARRY! HARRY! IT"S ME! TOMMY!" Tommy yelled, grabbing Harry by the shoulders. "TOMMY! TOMMY! IT"S ME! HARRY!" Harry shouted back at him. "You made it! You're safe!" Tommy said, relieved. "Come on! We have to get out of here! Sally's after you!" Tommy said. "Come on, Harry!" Tommy said again, pushing him, "We have to get going!" Tommy ushered Harry down the creaky wooden staircase, hoping to make a clean escape.


	9. My Love!

Chapter Nine

Dick ran down the street, puffing and wheezing, and holding his side. "Mary!" he called out. The street was empty. He was sure this was her street, he had been there so many times before. He gasped and moaned, feeling that he couldn't maintain such a pace, and yet, how could he not, with Mary so close to his reach? Suddenly, there he saw it, her house, it drew his gaze and seemed to have a light shining above it, urging him on, drawing him near. He felt a surge of energy, his breath became easier, and all pain disappeared. Mary! He galloped on towards her house, finally reaching the front door and rattling on it with all his might. "Mary! Mary!" He yelled, desperately. The house was dark, the doors locked. She was not home, but, she would be soon. Patience was not Dick's strongest attribute, and he crashed against the door until the lock gave way. He could hardly believe himself to be standing right here on Earth, in Mary Albright's living room.

As he outstretched his arms, and spun himself around the room, he knocked a side table containing some important papers, which he bent down to look at, but not tidy up. A poster had caught his eye,

"Alien Abductees, UFO sightings"

All Welcome, Info sessions

Group discussions

Informal and Non Judgemental

Tea and Scones Provided

Rutherford Town Hall

Saturdays 12:30 - 1:30

Dick checked his watch, 12:30 on the dot! He had located Mary, and the only thing now, was to go get her! He tore off down the street, leaving Mary's front door wide open, and papers all over the living room floor.

He located Rutherford's town hall as a dimly lit, ramshackle old building in the back blocks of Rutherford. Old posters flapped in the breeze and the new grafitti shone brilliantly on the faded stone walls of the building. Dick found the main entrance, and charged in to the first meeting room. He sat nervously, looking around at the solemn faces of the other participants. He did not see Mary there.A large man with a thick moustache was standing at the front, head low, gathering his courage. Dick looked around, fidgeting in his chair. The other people seated around him looked annoyed at the intrusion. Finally the large man spoke, "My name is Allan, and I have an anger management problem," The other people murmured back, "Hi Allan," Dick startled, and jumped up, saying, "Forgive me, Allan, but have you ever seen a UFO?" The crowd rumbled and some laughed. Allan raised his eyebrows, searching the crowd for the speaker. Before he had a chance to answer, Dick blurted out "But more importantly! Have you seen Dr Mary Albright!" The crowd again murmured. Dick looked around, but no one replied. He pointed at one man, "Alien abductee, sir? I know that face!" Finally, it appeared the group had had enough of being interrupted, and Dick was shown the door, luckily noticing the poster he had seen in Mary's house pointing down the hall to another meeting room.

Mary was sitting quietly in the meeting room, feeling apprehensive, but confident. Today was the day! She was finally going to speak out about the experiences she had had. She had been attending meetings, in several groups, for months. She had heard it all, one person saw a flash of light while driving through a country road smoking drugs, another believed they had been abducted and been probed by an alien something, all while in a heavy coma. Yet another believed they had been impregnated by some alien force, but had miscarried and somehow the foetus was replaced by a human looking one. Mary had heard it all, and while sympathising with the group, for they surely believed their experience to be real, she knew that she alone had the real deal. And she was finally ready to tell all! They would celebrate her story, maybe even call the papers, and the government! She could be their ambassador! Finally, some real evidence of alien existence!

The lady before her finished her story about a country road and a blurry looking photograph which may or may not have contained a UFO sighting. The crowd applauded, excited. "Real evidence!" one was saying, "Amazing!" said another, "Looks just like the one I saw!" enthused another. Mary stood up, waiting for the calm and the quiet, ready to launch into her amazing story.

" I realize this may sound a little crazy," she began, her gaze resting awkwardly on a man who's frequent abduction stories were a regular feature at these meetings, "But, " she continued, "I am ready to speak of my experiences. I met someone, and continued on a long relationship, even an engagement with this someone, who turned out to be . . .." she paused for dramatic effect, the crowd waited, "An alien from another planet!" She waited for the response, and was not disappointed. The crowd gasped, and oohed and aaahed, they were excited. "In fact,. " Mary continued, ". . . . .his entire family were here, and they were all aliens!" The crowd murmured to each other, comments passing back and forth, "Can you believe it!" "All this time!" "We were right!" Mary stood back, surveying the crowd, basking in her moment, when suddenly, a crazed figure with wild hair busted through the meeting room door, and swept her up, "MARY! I'm BACK!" Dick exclaimed, overcome with emotion. Mary could not have been more surprised. "DICK!" she exclaimed, "What are you doing here!" And, while she had the moment, "Everyone! This is the man I was telling you about! This is him!" The crowd stared at Dick in profound disappointment. Mary waited for the response. It never came. Dick looked at everyone, realising his secret was out, and that he would need to do an emergency cover-up. He thought about it for exactly thirty seconds. "Mary! Poor, poor Mary! Have you been taking those pills? The docter said you would need them! Come along now! We have a straightjacket fitting to attend!". He ushered Mary towards the door, looking at the crowd with pity. Mary was too much in shock to respond, and allowed Dick to push her outside. The crowd were angry. "Boo!" "Making up lies!" "Too farfetched to believe in" "Never took us seriously" "To think, she was one of us!"

Mary made her way out of the Town Hall, half dazed, alongside a man she thought she'd never see again, out of a meeting she never thought she would be in, feeling worse than she ever thought she could feel again. But still, in spite of it all, she was glad to see Dick again.

Once outside, Dick grabbed her in a tremendous bear hug, clinging to her like a little boy clings to his mommy. On the outset, the ridiculous part of this was he towered at least two foot above the tiny blonde woman, and she was furiously trying to push him back to get some air.

"Oh Mary! How i've missed you!" Dick exclaimed.

Mary began to cry, confused and tired. "Oh Dick! I just want to go home!" she sighed.

* * *

><p>Sally browsed the racks of shoes, breathing in the exhilarating scent of new leather and cheap vinyl, temporarily at peace with her warrior self. She spent a long time in the shoe shop, as if in a meditative trance. She got the sales assistant to measure her for one set of shoes, only to change her mind and be fitted for another. It was the fix she had been needing all this time. She wriggled her toes, padded barefoot around the store on the plush carpeting, admiring one set of patent black leather pumps, another set of dizzyingly high stilettos, yet another pair of uber-casual summer flipflops. In the end, she left the store with only one pair of semi-sensible ankle boots. Clutching her shopping bag, she felt almost refreshed, but needed just one more thing - a super-smooth Chai latte with cinnamon dusting. The coffee shop was just across the street, and as she sat enjoying her latte's milky froth, she couldn't help but wonder when the last time was she had felt this much at peace.<p>

She was just finishing the last slurpy part of the latte, when she thought, suddenly, that she shouldn't be here. Shouldn't be drinking cinnamony drinks or buying shoes. Shouldn't be basking in the warm fresh sunshine. Shouldn't be _sitting down_! Get up! Get up! Her warrior's voice shattered her peaceful thoughts. What kind of soldier drinks chai! Sally leapt up, her woman's side ensuring to grab the shopping bag before her warrior side ordered her legs into action and she galloped off down the street once more.


End file.
